Binary Binching

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Sometimes I'll think until I fall asleep early in the morning. I've been thinking about my future - where my passion lies, things I would really want to do and many other personal matters.

Up till now, I'm still unsure to where my passion really lies. I've tried coming out with a list of where my passion could be and managed to converge to two jobs I'd like the most but are somehow they are conflicting, in terms of the area of expertise required. That left me completely baffled and lost. Here are the top three in the list I created (in no running order of favour)

1. Hardware Engineering.

I fell in love with my first computer when my family was given one by an uncle (who happen to find it quite useless at that time). It was a boxy Pentium machine running at 66MHz (turbo-charged to 100Mhz) and it was hooked to the latest Windows 3.11 Operating System. That was back in 1994 and I had just turned ten. I still remember those days, opening up the impenetrable metal chassis (with the permission of my brother) to see how it worked from the inside. I was amazed! Then when Duke Nukem 3D came along, I had to hack my brother's password (the game or probably Windows had a bad way of dealing with passwords, i.e no encryption) by snooping into the game's directory in DOS. The password was to unlock the Adult contents of the game. LOL.

Up till now, I've always loved computers and the limitless possibilities it can bring. This is especially so if you put your creative juices is designing something useful and innovative. And my ultimate goal if I'm in this industry is to be a part of something big - an innovative product/idea/invention that would change how people live in the future. Other than that, I hope that I can contribute to society positively.

2. Working for Discovery Channel/Nat Geo

I've always loved nature. The vast green pastures, dense tropical rain forests, the marvelous meandering rivers or the towering snow capped mountains - you name it, I love them! I find that the mechanism of Earth itself to be damn beautiful. It's amazing how every part of earth's system works in tandem with another - hence explains our Earthly phenomenon and also to make it habitable for Man.

And I find it so cool to be on an educational television programs (I love Discovery!) giving my thoughts/views pertaining to the issue at hand. Actually, I don't mind just being a photographer for National Geographic or even the new Discovery Channel Magazines. LOL.


Enough said. However, I feel that at times, fear grappling me and holding me back. I guess I have the necessary directions but I'm afraid to take the next step. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm afraid to fail. I hated the feeling of failure, tough I know it is part and parcel of learning. Other than fear, it could be that there are some things that are holding me back - family, love, the comfort zone that I'm living in now. There isn't much reason to break away and live my dreams.

But somehow, I know that when the time comes, I would want it badly and I will strive for it. I know that just by doing something for the sake of money or stability, I'd not last long. I need something to spur me on every time I feel jaded. And I think this "thing" could only lie in whatever passion I have for the work I'll be doing in the future.

I'll keeping my options open for now.